Past Auditor Story; Part 3 Tony 03/04

2003-2004.

The LGBT Society, if stripped of every other function and role, of which there are many, performs the crucial and unique purpose of being a doorway. This may sound odd, but bear with me. For anyone, like myself, who came to college closeted, feeling nervous and alone, the first and most daunting step in joining the LGBT was that doorway, on the other side of which lay the wondrous and unknown world of the gays. Entering meant, maybe, finally admitting to yourself the reason you were there, it probably meant entering a room full of generally loud people you didn’t even know, and it meant outing yourself to strangers, both within the room and you were sure whoever happened to be wandering past as well. So the first time many go to an LGBT meeting the doorway tends to take on the appearance of some unfathomable dread portal; entry into which is usually coupled with some combination of extreme nervousness, heavy sweating or lots of furtive glances, if not all three together.

Several weeks, however, and the nervousness begins to fade, gradually the glances become less furtive, and eventually, probably without realising it, the doorway becomes just another doorway. The LGBT, for many of us, was the first place we met other people who we connected to and who understood a large part of our lives that had only ever been a source of isolation before, the place that many of us felt comfortable for the first time about that part of our lives, and for many of us it was the first place that we felt genuinely proud of being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. For me, the transformation of that doorway is the best symbol of this, and that is why I say it. I’m also conscious however, that I would like to start this article off with something positive.

My involvement in the LGB, as it was then called, began at the start of first year. I came to UCC feeling isolated and nervous, but determined to join the soc. My first year was shaped immensely by Anna and the tremendous work she did, and I became increasingly involved throughout the year, helping out during Rainbow Week and the Standing Conference. By the end of the year I decided that I wanted to become a member of the following year’s committee. For a number of reasons, I eventually decided to run for vice-auditor, which I was elected to.

Problems began to emerge fairly quickly. Our newly elected auditor, who was one of my, then, close friends, failed to work well the rest of the committee; refusing to discuss plans or delegate work, becoming increasingly dismissive and even becoming verbally abusive towards the rest of us. This continued until around November, when it eventually came to a head and, coupled with some other pretty serious reasons, they were asked to leave the committee. I filled the gap and, under some pretty crappy circumstances, became auditor. This entire incident was the source of much controversy, ended several friendships and the version of events changes depending on who tells it, some versions still pointing to me as a Machiavellian bastard who manufactured lies to discredit and remove the above person. All I can say is that this is not true, the above is a simplified version of events, but it is honest. My biggest regret from that time was that I didn’t talk to the above person sooner, as a fellow committee member and as, admittedly decreasingly, a friend. My failure to do so is, I believe, my main responsibility for what happened. The entire experience left me feeling bitter and angry. In the second term I, and several other committee members, used the society to officially discredit the above person. It was petty and stupid and I still regret it immensely. I offered my resignation, once I realised what a mistake we had made, but was asked to stay on by the society, with a level of support that I greatly appreciated. However, the rest of the year was, unsurprisingly, somewhat subdued.

I imagine the year continues to be remembered mostly as a result of these reasons, but it was certainly not all negative. We had quite a few good meetings and a large membership, who I hope gained benefit from the society that year. I was most happy when, at the end of the year, we had a healthily contested AGM. In fact, some of our new members that year are still heavily involved in the society. It was also the first year that the soc ran its blood ban protest, garnering attention from the media on a national level. Personally, it marked the end of my active involvement in the soc, but it also led to several deeper friendships.

It is, however, the year that I suppose should best be remembered more for things not to do, though I wish this wasn’t the case. Among others, for me it showed that committess and friendships should be separate and that personal is rarely, if ever, the same as important. I regret both are lessons that I did not learn sooner.

Tony Murphy.